Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
