i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
