My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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