Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
