idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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