I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
