You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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