My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
