tell your sister to shave her snatch
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
