Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
