At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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