Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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