I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i barfeds in our rink
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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