do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
