it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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