Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
this beer tastes like vomit already
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
