If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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