Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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