i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
