It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
