Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
