When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
