I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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