Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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