4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
