My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
