wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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