i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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