He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize