I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
