dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
