If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
