Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
