New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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