Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
