Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
