Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
