the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
