Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
