Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
