Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
