who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
