all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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