He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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