this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
