I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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