whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
