He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
