Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
