Moan for me like Helen Keller
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
