You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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