Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
