If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She said her name was "party"
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
