saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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