used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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