Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
