I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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