the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
