So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
