Me too!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
