I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
