At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
