Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
