Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
