first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
