She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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