I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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