Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
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