There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
